- Most Some people don't seem to understand what is private on Facebook versus what is public. For example:
Work Complainers. I had a friend whose status update was, "Ugggh, I so don't want to be at work right now." Hey, Tammy - YOUR BOSS CAN SEE THAT.
Inquisitors. "How was your visit to Planned Parenthood?" Hey, cousin Angela, PEOPLE CAN SEE THAT.
Mothers. "Breastfeeding again..." PEOPLE CAN - you see where I'm going with this.
- Facebook is a great way to remind the world how little we care about anything that actually matters. The world economy is in shambles, millions of gallons of oil are spilling into the Gulf of Mexico every day, and on Facebook we're like, we have GOT to get Betty White on Saturday Night Live before it's too late. She's in her late 80's, if we don't make it happen now, we'll never get it done! Pat on the back for that one Facebook.
- Facebook puts way too much spotlight on people's relationships. I am married now, and thank god, because I would hate to have to deal with starting a relationship now in the age of Facebook. You start dating someone, and now you have a lot of pressure. When are you going to change your relationship status? If you change it, you better damn well be sure that's the future mother or father of your kids, because if it doesn't work out, someday you're going to have to change it back to single, and then the entire world is going to start leaving messages on your wall asking things that will really help you get over the break-up. And that's not even getting into how many pictures you're going to have to un-tag yourself from.
- We are so paranoid over our civil rights, all these worries about Big Brother, people tapping our phones and listening to our conversations, meanwhile on Facebook we can't wait to let everyone know our business. The CIA is obsolete. It's only a matter of time before we're watching the news and some anchorman is saying, "The terrorism plot was foiled when authorities read the bomber's facebook status which read, 'Hey you guys, just finished packing my carry-on for my one-way flight to New York ;)'"
- Facebook is like a neurotic Jewish mother, always telling you what to do. You should really send a message to your friend Ivan, you haven't spoken to him in awhile. I hope it's not telling anyone to do that for me. I don't need your pity, Facebook. I want to know that all those birthday wishes are because people really care, not because Facebook makes them think things aren't going so well for me right now.
- Facebook is great when you want to find out what old friends are up to, but sometimes it can be too much. I find out stuff about people I really didn't want to know. I had a friend I could have sworn was married, but now when I look at their profile I don't see any signs anymore of a spouse. What happened? I must drop everything and find out. I'm like a Facebook private investigator, combing through all their old status updates and photo galleries to see if they got divorced or something. I will not rest until I know the truth!
