So far all of my open mic experiences have taken place at the Laughing Skull Lounge in Midtown Atlanta. For the most part they've been positive, at least in the sense that the Laughing Skull is a small venue, and even if there are only 25 people there you still feel like you are performing in front of a crowd.
This past Thursday, I finally took my act to a new venue, the Funny Farm out in Alpharetta. It's an interesting set-up, to say the least. The club is part of a restaurant that is attached to Andretti's, a family fun-type place with the usual assortment of skeeball, pop-a-shot, and video game type activities.
It's different, I guess, is what I'm trying to say.
Anyway, for my fifth time up, I decided I wanted to try out a different style. Every time I've performed so far, I've done 2-3 longer bits, with smaller punchlines (at least, I think they are - the audience might disagree) building up to a larger finish.
This time I decided to do shorter jokes, without segues, and to see how it felt and how the crowd responded.
It was a good plan, in theory (or maybe it wasn't, what do I know?). I was able to see how it felt. As for how the crowd responded - therein lies the rub, as they say.
I would have loved to see how an audience liked my different approach - if there had been one.
I've heard that often at open mic nights the only people there are the comics who are performing, but I hadn't really seen that happen yet (which I suppose is a credit to the people who run the Laughing Skull). Man - it is something else when it happens. I might as well have been doing my set in front of a mirror*.
*My brother-in-law Will came with me, but he doesn't count. He is the most easy-to-amuse person I know. As long as there is a curse word or a reference to feces, he's going to laugh. You could give a sobering lecture about depression and drug addiction, and as long as you toss the word poop in there, he's going to chuckle.
All in all I suppose it was a good experience - if you can power through in a setting like that, I imagine it makes it easier to keep your composure when the house is packed. But if part of what I'm hoping to get out of each time up is a barometer reading on my material, well, I'm not sure I'll be able to glean much from this one.
Just gotta keep getting reps...
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Sunday, January 24, 2010
On Favre and Blame, or We Interrupt This Comedy Blog For Some Cutting Sports Commentary
Yeah, this blog is supposed to be about my attempt at stand-up comedy. But my other passion is sports, and I feel the need to get this off my chest after Sunday's NFC championship game. My Saints won the game and are going to the Super Bowl (OH MY GOD), yet for some reason all I can think about is how the Vikings blew this game and how mad I'd be if I were one of their fans.
With apologies to Joe Posnanski, the best sportswriter on the planet, for biting on his style. Here we go...
Yes, that was a poorly-timed interception, and yeah, the pass probably was forced, and Favre has a history of doing that kind of thing in that scenario, so there is precedent, but he is not to blame. To blame him is to blame Obama for the War in Afghanistan. Yeah he’s made mistakes, but he’s not the one that put us there in the first place.
The Vikings lost this game because their coaching staff got conservative at the worst possible time. The Vikings lost because their coaching staff went against the first rule of winning football, as so eloquently stated by Herm Edwards: “You play to WIN the game!”
When the Vikings made it to the Saints 33 yard line after a 14-yard burst by Chester Taylor, they had 1st-and-10 with 1:06 left to play and two timeouts in their pocket. Field goal range yes, but not a chippy. 50 yarders are a little better than a 50% proposition at best, and we’ve already seen several kickers get a case of the shanks during these playoffs.
You get the ball at your opponent’s 33 with a chance to go to the Super Bowl on the line, you gotta play to win. You gotta stay aggressive.
But that’s not what Brad Childress chose to do. On first down, the Vikings ran the ball with Chester Taylor for no gain. Ok, that’s not terrible, he’s played well, the Vikings have run well all game, and he’d just gashed the Saints for a nice gain.
But Taylor got stuffed, and now the Vikings are in second and long. Still, they’ve got two timeouts and arguably the greatest QB of all time at the controls*. Nothing is lost, Minnesota can still make some plays and set themselves up for a easily-makeable field goal and a Super Bowl berth. But the Vikings chose to let the clock run. That’s Childress Big Mistake #1.
Actually, that’s more than a Big Mistake. That’s a Giant Mistake. That’s, well, if not the Mount Everest of Mistakes, it’s still in the Himilayas of Mistakes. Everything that comes afterward is partially a result of this original blunder, in the same way that every run that scores after a two-out error is considered unearned. If the Vikings don’t make this first gaffe, the rest of the mistakes don’t happen and maybe Favre and his Wranglers saunter down to Miami**.
*You can argue Favre’s merits if you like – all I am saying is if they’d won this game and gone on to win the Super Bowl, he’d have an awfully strong argument to that claim. I don’t think he’s the best, but a Super Bowl win at the age of 40 would be a mighty nice bullet point on a resume.
** I’m not saying other mistakes might not have happened, especially given Favre’s history. I’m just saying the specific ones that did were all a result of the Vikings letting the clock run after running the ball on first down. I’ve said mistake a lot. Mistake.
The Vikings let the clock run down all the way to :25 seconds before they snap the ball on second down, a run this time with Adrian Peterson for another no gain, and now the first down run doesn’t feel so defensible. Now we have a pattern. I’ve read this script before. These are the two running plays you run when you are playing to kick a game-winning field goal. You run the ball, try to get a couple yards if it happens, but most importantly you hold onto the pigskin and then put one through the uprights and it’s time to pop champagne. That’s Childress Big Mistake #2.
An aside: As a Texas fan, I watched this exact scenario play out during the Big 12 title game against Nebraska, only the mistakes of the Texas coaching staff will be swept away with the tide of history because Hunter Lawrence made the game-winning field goal.
The Longhorns got the ball back trailing 12-10 against Nebraska with 1:44 left at their own 40. They got a completion to Jordan Shipley over the middle and an additional 15 on a facemask that put them at Nebraska’s 26 with over 1:30 to play in the game. That’s a 43-yarder. Not a gimme, not the hardest FG in the world, but certainly with timeouts remaining a place on the field where you’d like to get it a little bit closer to make it easier on your kicker.
Texas ran three unsuccessful plays without ever taking a timeout, even losing three yards in the process to make the final kick a 46-yarder. Only by the grace of God and instant replay did Texas even get to kick a game-winner after Colt McCoy threw the ball away and nearly let the clock run out to end the game.
In many ways, McCoy and Favre are the same. Each made a bad mistake on third down with the fate of the game potentially hanging in the balance. But while Favre’s legacy may hang for his interception, McCoy will instead be known only as the guy who missing out on a national title because of a pinched nerve. And he had a roommate.
The point is, Texas got lucky that their field goal kicker came through for them, because the coaching staff’s conservative strategy in an end-game situation was ill-advised and could have cost them dearly.
/Aside
Back to the Vikings. Childress should have called a pass play on 2nd-and-10 if he wanted to stay aggressive and play to win. He chose to play it close to the vest though, and as a result the Vikings now faced 3rd-and-10 at the Saints 34.
The clock is still running, and the Vikings are forced to call timeout to stop the clock with only :19 seconds left.
Here comes Childress Big Mistake #3, and in my opinion, the timeout here is what makes CBM #3 ***so inexcusable. A timeout should be, if nothing else, a chance for a team to discuss exactly what to do and then send the personnel out to go do it. So how could the Vikings let 12 men go out to the huddle for third down, drawing a 5-yard penalty that made it 3rd-and-16 and pushed the Vikes back to the 39-yard line?
***If it turns out it is someone other than the coaching staff’s fault that the Vikings had 12 men on the field, then I will shift the blame for this mistake. But it seems to me there are several assistant coaches for each side of the ball – surely someone is responsible for making sure the right guys are heading out on the field. If this isn’t directly Childress’ fault, it’s at least on his staff. But again, if Childress doesn’t choose to go conservative, maybe they never put themselves in this situation in the first place.
With a 56-yarder looming**** now the Vikings have to get some yards. Now they must pass, to give themselves a decent chance at a field goal. And now Favre drops back, heads out of the pocket to his right, and throws back across his body looking for his tight end Visanthe Shiancoe but finding Saints CB Tracy Porter.
*** Let’s say Favre throws incomplete on third - could Ryan Longwell have kicked a 56-yarder to win it? It’s possible. It’s been done. Pete Stoyanovich famously made a 58-yarder in a Dolphins-Chiefs playoff game, though it wasn’t a game-winner.
Longwell has been a good kicker for a long time. His career long is 55 yards, and he made at least one 50-yarder in all but three of his 13 NFL seasons, and in two of those seasons his long was from 49. According to his bio, he’s been perfect from 50+ over the last two seasons (a total of 8-8). Plus it was in a dome. Still, I wouldn’t have bet on him.
Did Favre’s interception cost the Vikings? Yeah, it did. He had a little real estate there in front of him, and had he tucked it and run he might have picked up 3-4 yards and gotten it back to a 51- or 52-yarder. At that point, maybe Longwell makes the field goal, and Vikings fans start looking for hotels on South Beach. Favre’s interception cost them that.
But Favre’s gunslinger mentality never comes back to haunt them if Childress don’t lose his nerve there instead of circling in for the kill, starting at first down with 66 seconds left to play and two timeouts in hand.
If I’m a Vikings fan today, if I’m mad at Favre I’m mad at him like I’d be mad at a friend who knew my girlfriend was being unfaithful and didn’t tell me. Yeah he did me wrong and I need to address that, but I've got bigger fish to fry.
Maybe you need to avoid Favre for a few days and not answer his calls. But Minnesota, Childress is the one you need to break up with.
With apologies to Joe Posnanski, the best sportswriter on the planet, for biting on his style. Here we go...
Let me be clear at the start that I am not a Brett Favre apologist, even though you may think me one because I am from Mississippi and have rooted for him for most of my life in the way that I root for success for all Mississippi athletes. I’m not saying this to help him avoid scrutiny, I just come to speak the truth: The Vikings loss in the NFC Championship game is not Favre’s fault.
Yes, that was a poorly-timed interception, and yeah, the pass probably was forced, and Favre has a history of doing that kind of thing in that scenario, so there is precedent, but he is not to blame. To blame him is to blame Obama for the War in Afghanistan. Yeah he’s made mistakes, but he’s not the one that put us there in the first place.
The Vikings lost this game because their coaching staff got conservative at the worst possible time. The Vikings lost because their coaching staff went against the first rule of winning football, as so eloquently stated by Herm Edwards: “You play to WIN the game!”
When the Vikings made it to the Saints 33 yard line after a 14-yard burst by Chester Taylor, they had 1st-and-10 with 1:06 left to play and two timeouts in their pocket. Field goal range yes, but not a chippy. 50 yarders are a little better than a 50% proposition at best, and we’ve already seen several kickers get a case of the shanks during these playoffs.
You get the ball at your opponent’s 33 with a chance to go to the Super Bowl on the line, you gotta play to win. You gotta stay aggressive.
But that’s not what Brad Childress chose to do. On first down, the Vikings ran the ball with Chester Taylor for no gain. Ok, that’s not terrible, he’s played well, the Vikings have run well all game, and he’d just gashed the Saints for a nice gain.
But Taylor got stuffed, and now the Vikings are in second and long. Still, they’ve got two timeouts and arguably the greatest QB of all time at the controls*. Nothing is lost, Minnesota can still make some plays and set themselves up for a easily-makeable field goal and a Super Bowl berth. But the Vikings chose to let the clock run. That’s Childress Big Mistake #1.
Actually, that’s more than a Big Mistake. That’s a Giant Mistake. That’s, well, if not the Mount Everest of Mistakes, it’s still in the Himilayas of Mistakes. Everything that comes afterward is partially a result of this original blunder, in the same way that every run that scores after a two-out error is considered unearned. If the Vikings don’t make this first gaffe, the rest of the mistakes don’t happen and maybe Favre and his Wranglers saunter down to Miami**.
*You can argue Favre’s merits if you like – all I am saying is if they’d won this game and gone on to win the Super Bowl, he’d have an awfully strong argument to that claim. I don’t think he’s the best, but a Super Bowl win at the age of 40 would be a mighty nice bullet point on a resume.
** I’m not saying other mistakes might not have happened, especially given Favre’s history. I’m just saying the specific ones that did were all a result of the Vikings letting the clock run after running the ball on first down. I’ve said mistake a lot. Mistake.
The Vikings let the clock run down all the way to :25 seconds before they snap the ball on second down, a run this time with Adrian Peterson for another no gain, and now the first down run doesn’t feel so defensible. Now we have a pattern. I’ve read this script before. These are the two running plays you run when you are playing to kick a game-winning field goal. You run the ball, try to get a couple yards if it happens, but most importantly you hold onto the pigskin and then put one through the uprights and it’s time to pop champagne. That’s Childress Big Mistake #2.
An aside: As a Texas fan, I watched this exact scenario play out during the Big 12 title game against Nebraska, only the mistakes of the Texas coaching staff will be swept away with the tide of history because Hunter Lawrence made the game-winning field goal.
The Longhorns got the ball back trailing 12-10 against Nebraska with 1:44 left at their own 40. They got a completion to Jordan Shipley over the middle and an additional 15 on a facemask that put them at Nebraska’s 26 with over 1:30 to play in the game. That’s a 43-yarder. Not a gimme, not the hardest FG in the world, but certainly with timeouts remaining a place on the field where you’d like to get it a little bit closer to make it easier on your kicker.
Texas ran three unsuccessful plays without ever taking a timeout, even losing three yards in the process to make the final kick a 46-yarder. Only by the grace of God and instant replay did Texas even get to kick a game-winner after Colt McCoy threw the ball away and nearly let the clock run out to end the game.
In many ways, McCoy and Favre are the same. Each made a bad mistake on third down with the fate of the game potentially hanging in the balance. But while Favre’s legacy may hang for his interception, McCoy will instead be known only as the guy who missing out on a national title because of a pinched nerve. And he had a roommate.
The point is, Texas got lucky that their field goal kicker came through for them, because the coaching staff’s conservative strategy in an end-game situation was ill-advised and could have cost them dearly.
/Aside
Back to the Vikings. Childress should have called a pass play on 2nd-and-10 if he wanted to stay aggressive and play to win. He chose to play it close to the vest though, and as a result the Vikings now faced 3rd-and-10 at the Saints 34.
The clock is still running, and the Vikings are forced to call timeout to stop the clock with only :19 seconds left.
Here comes Childress Big Mistake #3, and in my opinion, the timeout here is what makes CBM #3 ***so inexcusable. A timeout should be, if nothing else, a chance for a team to discuss exactly what to do and then send the personnel out to go do it. So how could the Vikings let 12 men go out to the huddle for third down, drawing a 5-yard penalty that made it 3rd-and-16 and pushed the Vikes back to the 39-yard line?
***If it turns out it is someone other than the coaching staff’s fault that the Vikings had 12 men on the field, then I will shift the blame for this mistake. But it seems to me there are several assistant coaches for each side of the ball – surely someone is responsible for making sure the right guys are heading out on the field. If this isn’t directly Childress’ fault, it’s at least on his staff. But again, if Childress doesn’t choose to go conservative, maybe they never put themselves in this situation in the first place.
With a 56-yarder looming**** now the Vikings have to get some yards. Now they must pass, to give themselves a decent chance at a field goal. And now Favre drops back, heads out of the pocket to his right, and throws back across his body looking for his tight end Visanthe Shiancoe but finding Saints CB Tracy Porter.
*** Let’s say Favre throws incomplete on third - could Ryan Longwell have kicked a 56-yarder to win it? It’s possible. It’s been done. Pete Stoyanovich famously made a 58-yarder in a Dolphins-Chiefs playoff game, though it wasn’t a game-winner.
Longwell has been a good kicker for a long time. His career long is 55 yards, and he made at least one 50-yarder in all but three of his 13 NFL seasons, and in two of those seasons his long was from 49. According to his bio, he’s been perfect from 50+ over the last two seasons (a total of 8-8). Plus it was in a dome. Still, I wouldn’t have bet on him.
Did Favre’s interception cost the Vikings? Yeah, it did. He had a little real estate there in front of him, and had he tucked it and run he might have picked up 3-4 yards and gotten it back to a 51- or 52-yarder. At that point, maybe Longwell makes the field goal, and Vikings fans start looking for hotels on South Beach. Favre’s interception cost them that.
But Favre’s gunslinger mentality never comes back to haunt them if Childress don’t lose his nerve there instead of circling in for the kill, starting at first down with 66 seconds left to play and two timeouts in hand.
If I’m a Vikings fan today, if I’m mad at Favre I’m mad at him like I’d be mad at a friend who knew my girlfriend was being unfaithful and didn’t tell me. Yeah he did me wrong and I need to address that, but I've got bigger fish to fry.
Maybe you need to avoid Favre for a few days and not answer his calls. But Minnesota, Childress is the one you need to break up with.
Friday, January 22, 2010
When 900 Years You Get, This Good You Look
I realize that the vast differences between men and women have been explored ad nauseum over the course of our existence. Nevertheless, the events of last night compel me to again tackle this topic and how incredibly easy it is for us to butt heads from time to time.
First a little backstory:
Last night, my wife Hilary and I went bowling with a few of our friends, my sister Hannah and her husband Will among them. My brother-in-law and I are very competitive, especially at sports. As per usual, we decided to place a wager - winner of the most games would win a free movie and snacks the next time we visited our local multiplex.
Will was hot early, bowling a 171 to take the first game. It was much closer the second game, and as we hit the final frame I needed a mark and at least two pins to tie it up*. I got a seven on my first roll, then got the spare I needed to set up the gimme win.
*We were only rolling two games, so if I won we would have had to figure out a tiebreak of some sort - presumably rock, paper, scissors, though we discussed 1870's-style fisticuffs in the parking lot as well.
So sure was I of victory, I decided to let my wife take my last turn. I realize she isn't the world's greatest bowler, but generally speaking she is capable of keeping it out of the gutter, and I thought she would enjoy being a part of the victory.
Apparently not. For God knows what reason, Hilary ran up to the line and flung the ball with all her might down the lane, like a person trying to throw a ticking time bomb off the side of a boat, after which it traveled perhaps three feet before heading straight into the gutter. Game over.
Now, I knew that by giving Hilary my final turn I stood the chance of losing and owing Will a ticket to the movie of his choice. In theory, I can't be mad at her for my losing the bet.
However, Hilary never bowls like that (In fact, this exact scenario had occurred a couple weeks earlier when we went bowling with them, and Hilary had knocked 'em down like a champ. If it ain't broke don't fix it!).
Normally, she walks up to the lane and gently flicks it down the lane, slowly enough that sometimes you wonder if the ball will knock the pins over or bounce backwards on contact.
So why the sudden change, I wondered?
Here is where the difference between the genders kicks into play.
Were Hilary a male friend, I probably would have inquired about her performance with a question somewhere along the lines of, "What the @#%&?"
But because Hilary is a woman, and in particular my wife, not only did I have to let it go, but even the initial "What was that?" drew enough ire from her that I felt compelled to apologize for making her feel bad for missing the shot.
Now I am a reasonable enough person to realize that the outcome of a bowling bet is rather insignificant in the grand scheme of things**. Yet at the same time, are you kidding me? That roll was terrible! If I didn't know any better, I'd think Will promised her half a box of Milk Duds for that roll!
** Or is it? Movies are pretty pricey these days. It used to be a movie was what you did when you wanted to take it easy and avoid an expensive night out. Not anymore - a movie plus popcorn and drinks for two is like 40 bucks. Next time I want an inexpensive time out with my wife, I think we're going to have to go to Ruth's Chris.
She deserves at least a little grief, but I cannot give it to her unless I'm interested in sleeping on the recliner.
Which brings me to my overall point - how is it that women can do something that upsets you, yet somehow you end up being the one who has to apologize?
And that was when I realized it - women are Jedis.
It all makes sense now - the hard to decipher logic, the bath robes, everything. A tampon may as well be their light saber.
They do something we don't like, but before we can tell them about it they wave their hand and say, "This is your fault, not mine," and now you are buying them tickets to see Lady Gaga as a peace offering.
I must remember this for the future when dealing with the opposite sex - the force is strong with this one.
First a little backstory:
Last night, my wife Hilary and I went bowling with a few of our friends, my sister Hannah and her husband Will among them. My brother-in-law and I are very competitive, especially at sports. As per usual, we decided to place a wager - winner of the most games would win a free movie and snacks the next time we visited our local multiplex.
Will was hot early, bowling a 171 to take the first game. It was much closer the second game, and as we hit the final frame I needed a mark and at least two pins to tie it up*. I got a seven on my first roll, then got the spare I needed to set up the gimme win.
*We were only rolling two games, so if I won we would have had to figure out a tiebreak of some sort - presumably rock, paper, scissors, though we discussed 1870's-style fisticuffs in the parking lot as well.
So sure was I of victory, I decided to let my wife take my last turn. I realize she isn't the world's greatest bowler, but generally speaking she is capable of keeping it out of the gutter, and I thought she would enjoy being a part of the victory.
Apparently not. For God knows what reason, Hilary ran up to the line and flung the ball with all her might down the lane, like a person trying to throw a ticking time bomb off the side of a boat, after which it traveled perhaps three feet before heading straight into the gutter. Game over.
Now, I knew that by giving Hilary my final turn I stood the chance of losing and owing Will a ticket to the movie of his choice. In theory, I can't be mad at her for my losing the bet.
However, Hilary never bowls like that (In fact, this exact scenario had occurred a couple weeks earlier when we went bowling with them, and Hilary had knocked 'em down like a champ. If it ain't broke don't fix it!).
Normally, she walks up to the lane and gently flicks it down the lane, slowly enough that sometimes you wonder if the ball will knock the pins over or bounce backwards on contact.
So why the sudden change, I wondered?
Here is where the difference between the genders kicks into play.
Were Hilary a male friend, I probably would have inquired about her performance with a question somewhere along the lines of, "What the @#%&?"
But because Hilary is a woman, and in particular my wife, not only did I have to let it go, but even the initial "What was that?" drew enough ire from her that I felt compelled to apologize for making her feel bad for missing the shot.
Now I am a reasonable enough person to realize that the outcome of a bowling bet is rather insignificant in the grand scheme of things**. Yet at the same time, are you kidding me? That roll was terrible! If I didn't know any better, I'd think Will promised her half a box of Milk Duds for that roll!
** Or is it? Movies are pretty pricey these days. It used to be a movie was what you did when you wanted to take it easy and avoid an expensive night out. Not anymore - a movie plus popcorn and drinks for two is like 40 bucks. Next time I want an inexpensive time out with my wife, I think we're going to have to go to Ruth's Chris.
She deserves at least a little grief, but I cannot give it to her unless I'm interested in sleeping on the recliner.
Which brings me to my overall point - how is it that women can do something that upsets you, yet somehow you end up being the one who has to apologize?
And that was when I realized it - women are Jedis.
It all makes sense now - the hard to decipher logic, the bath robes, everything. A tampon may as well be their light saber.
They do something we don't like, but before we can tell them about it they wave their hand and say, "This is your fault, not mine," and now you are buying them tickets to see Lady Gaga as a peace offering.
I must remember this for the future when dealing with the opposite sex - the force is strong with this one.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
When In Rome
A thought I just had while watching a commercial break during Late Night with The Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien...
I just saw a commercial for the new romantic comedy "When in Rome" featuring Kristen Bell and Josh Duhamel. At the very end of the hilarious trailer, there is a voice-over that recommends that you "Discover why people are falling in love with When in Rome at facebook.com/wheninrome."
And I thought to myself, that is an excellent suggestion, commercial. I am very curious to learn why people are raving about the movie When in Rome. I believe I'll do some investigating!
So I went onto Facebook, and went to their home page, and what I saw on their Wall stopped me dead in my tracks:
Carrie DeIuliis 2 of my FAVORITE actors in one movie!! its TV/Movie addict's dream. I have been dying to see this movies since I read last year that it was being made!!!! I can't wait 2 more week aghgh...
Wow. I for one am stunned. There is a tale of real emotion and tragedy here.
Here you have Carrie, the heroine of our little tale. It's been her dream in life to see a match of the female lead from Veronica Mars with one of the stars of NBC's Las Vegas in a romantic comedy, and finally, that dream is coming to fruition. Everything is finally going to be ok.
She is so excited. But then tragedy strikes! The movie is still two weeks away, but the stress of waiting that long was too much for her heart to bear. She said she was dying to see it, and cruelly, from what I can gather from the final sentence in her post, it appears she did.
And so that is why people are falling in love with the movie - to pay tribute to Carrie DeIuliis - her dream shall not die in vain!
I just saw a commercial for the new romantic comedy "When in Rome" featuring Kristen Bell and Josh Duhamel. At the very end of the hilarious trailer, there is a voice-over that recommends that you "Discover why people are falling in love with When in Rome at facebook.com/wheninrome."
And I thought to myself, that is an excellent suggestion, commercial. I am very curious to learn why people are raving about the movie When in Rome. I believe I'll do some investigating!
So I went onto Facebook, and went to their home page, and what I saw on their Wall stopped me dead in my tracks:
Carrie DeIuliis 2 of my FAVORITE actors in one movie!! its TV/Movie addict's dream. I have been dying to see this movies since I read last year that it was being made!!!! I can't wait 2 more week aghgh...
Wow. I for one am stunned. There is a tale of real emotion and tragedy here.
Here you have Carrie, the heroine of our little tale. It's been her dream in life to see a match of the female lead from Veronica Mars with one of the stars of NBC's Las Vegas in a romantic comedy, and finally, that dream is coming to fruition. Everything is finally going to be ok.
She is so excited. But then tragedy strikes! The movie is still two weeks away, but the stress of waiting that long was too much for her heart to bear. She said she was dying to see it, and cruelly, from what I can gather from the final sentence in her post, it appears she did.
And so that is why people are falling in love with the movie - to pay tribute to Carrie DeIuliis - her dream shall not die in vain!
Sunday, January 17, 2010
An exercise in writing
As I continue upon this quest and attempt to document my experience, part of what I am trying to do to motivate myself to write is to try to write when I'm feeling inspired. This is not the easiest task in the world for me, as I find myself inspired most often while I'm laying in bed, and I am nothing if not too lazy to get out of bed and write down what I'm thinking.
But I am trying to change that with this blog.
So, with that in mind, here is what happened when this little routine started playing in my head tonight when I was trying to go to sleep.
Do you want to hear what is the single greatest job assignment in the history of the world? Great! Cause I'm going to tell you.
But first, before I get there, we have to go back a little ways and talk about Michael Vick. Ever heard of him?
That's right, disgraced former QB for the Atlanta Falcons, and no lie, winner of the Philadelphia Eagles sportsmanship award this season, Michael Vick, I have to start with him.
Cause see before Vick was a puppy-strangler, he got in trouble a few other times, once for getting caught with weed at the airport - nice - and another time, for giving a girl herpes.
Now how do I know he gave her herpes? Was I there, filming it, is that what you're implying? No - I know, because she filed suit against him in a court of law alleging that he gave her herpes, and the proof against him was that he tested positive for it at a health clinic, which he checked in for a test under the alias Ron Mexico.
Now at this point I know what you are thinking - Michael Vick may not be the world's most accurate NFL quarterback, but he is really good at picking out cool names for aliases!
If I had to pick an alias, mine would be something really lame like John Wilson or Jason Silverstein if I wanted to give it a little Jewish flavor.
But Vick chose Ron Mexico, who sounds like a bad-ass pimp trying to put one over on the man in a 1970's blaxploitation films.
Now, word of Vick's use of the name Ron Mexico gets out on the internet, as information of that kind is wont to do, and us sports fans, we love a good joke, so people started getting personalized Atlanta Falcons jerseys with the name Ron Mexico on the back.
The NFL, if you must know, turns out to be slightly uptight about it's reputation. They aren't really excited about the prospect of fans showing up at games wearing Mexico jerseys, reminding the populace that in their spare time, some of their athletes like to spread venereal diseases.
So the NFL bans apparel shops from selling fans personalized NFL jerseys with the words Ron Mexico on them.
This, by itself, is funny.
But it's not the end of our story, which I promised you would end with me telling you what the single greatest job assignment in history is, even though I told you I hate hyperbole!
As it turns out, because the news about the banning of selling Ron Mexico jerseys was leaked on the Internet, some enterprising journalist managed to find out that Ron Mexico isn't the only thing you can't get on the back of a personalized NFL jersey.
No, as it turns out, there are, and I swear this is true, 1,159 things you can't get written on the back of a personalized NFL jersey.
Which brings us to, that's right, the greatest job assignment in the history of mankind - the committee that drew up that fucking list.
Can you imagine how amazing that must have been? Imagine you are an employee of the corporate arm of the National Football League.
One day you come into work, and you get a cup of coffee, and you respond to a couple emails, and then you head into your 9:30 am meeting, just trying to make it through another day, and your boss drops this on you:
"Yeah everyone, we've received a memo from upstairs, apparently people are trying to put the word FUCK on a personalized NFL jersey, and we can't have that happening. They aren't happy about it, and as usual, we're the ones who are going to have to fix the situation. So what I need is just a few of you to chip in on this and help us develop a list of things we won't allow people to put on the backs of jerseys.
Bonus time is coming up fellas, so I'm really going to need this list to be thorough, we want to nip this thing in the bud. Get I get a few volunteers?"
Who in here would not have signed up for that committee? I'd have done it for free! I'd have come in on weekends, and not taken vacation days I was due, whatever it took to be in on that committee, to just sit around all day and say things like, "Now, what if someone comes in and wants a jersey with SPERM HERDER written on it. Now SPERM HERDER could be written as two words, separately, but it could also be a compound word and just be jammed together as SPERMHERDER. We should probably ban it both ways to be sure, right?"
1,159 terms that can't be put on a jersey. That is a job well done, committee.
I have the list right here, and I have to say - I am not sure I think too many people are coming in asking for some of these terms.
Like how many people were out there really going into a store and saying, yes, I'd like a Randy Moss #81 Pats jersey, but instead of it saying Moss on it, can I have it say GAYMUTHAFUCKINWHORE, one word?
But I am trying to change that with this blog.
So, with that in mind, here is what happened when this little routine started playing in my head tonight when I was trying to go to sleep.
Do you want to hear what is the single greatest job assignment in the history of the world? Great! Cause I'm going to tell you.
But first, before I get there, we have to go back a little ways and talk about Michael Vick. Ever heard of him?
That's right, disgraced former QB for the Atlanta Falcons, and no lie, winner of the Philadelphia Eagles sportsmanship award this season, Michael Vick, I have to start with him.
Cause see before Vick was a puppy-strangler, he got in trouble a few other times, once for getting caught with weed at the airport - nice - and another time, for giving a girl herpes.
Now how do I know he gave her herpes? Was I there, filming it, is that what you're implying? No - I know, because she filed suit against him in a court of law alleging that he gave her herpes, and the proof against him was that he tested positive for it at a health clinic, which he checked in for a test under the alias Ron Mexico.
Now at this point I know what you are thinking - Michael Vick may not be the world's most accurate NFL quarterback, but he is really good at picking out cool names for aliases!
If I had to pick an alias, mine would be something really lame like John Wilson or Jason Silverstein if I wanted to give it a little Jewish flavor.
But Vick chose Ron Mexico, who sounds like a bad-ass pimp trying to put one over on the man in a 1970's blaxploitation films.
Now, word of Vick's use of the name Ron Mexico gets out on the internet, as information of that kind is wont to do, and us sports fans, we love a good joke, so people started getting personalized Atlanta Falcons jerseys with the name Ron Mexico on the back.
The NFL, if you must know, turns out to be slightly uptight about it's reputation. They aren't really excited about the prospect of fans showing up at games wearing Mexico jerseys, reminding the populace that in their spare time, some of their athletes like to spread venereal diseases.
So the NFL bans apparel shops from selling fans personalized NFL jerseys with the words Ron Mexico on them.
This, by itself, is funny.
But it's not the end of our story, which I promised you would end with me telling you what the single greatest job assignment in history is, even though I told you I hate hyperbole!
As it turns out, because the news about the banning of selling Ron Mexico jerseys was leaked on the Internet, some enterprising journalist managed to find out that Ron Mexico isn't the only thing you can't get on the back of a personalized NFL jersey.
No, as it turns out, there are, and I swear this is true, 1,159 things you can't get written on the back of a personalized NFL jersey.
Which brings us to, that's right, the greatest job assignment in the history of mankind - the committee that drew up that fucking list.
Can you imagine how amazing that must have been? Imagine you are an employee of the corporate arm of the National Football League.
One day you come into work, and you get a cup of coffee, and you respond to a couple emails, and then you head into your 9:30 am meeting, just trying to make it through another day, and your boss drops this on you:
"Yeah everyone, we've received a memo from upstairs, apparently people are trying to put the word FUCK on a personalized NFL jersey, and we can't have that happening. They aren't happy about it, and as usual, we're the ones who are going to have to fix the situation. So what I need is just a few of you to chip in on this and help us develop a list of things we won't allow people to put on the backs of jerseys.
Bonus time is coming up fellas, so I'm really going to need this list to be thorough, we want to nip this thing in the bud. Get I get a few volunteers?"
Who in here would not have signed up for that committee? I'd have done it for free! I'd have come in on weekends, and not taken vacation days I was due, whatever it took to be in on that committee, to just sit around all day and say things like, "Now, what if someone comes in and wants a jersey with SPERM HERDER written on it. Now SPERM HERDER could be written as two words, separately, but it could also be a compound word and just be jammed together as SPERMHERDER. We should probably ban it both ways to be sure, right?"
1,159 terms that can't be put on a jersey. That is a job well done, committee.
I have the list right here, and I have to say - I am not sure I think too many people are coming in asking for some of these terms.
Like how many people were out there really going into a store and saying, yes, I'd like a Randy Moss #81 Pats jersey, but instead of it saying Moss on it, can I have it say GAYMUTHAFUCKINWHORE, one word?
That's all(!) I got so far...
That's It For Me, You've Been Great!
Wednesday was my fourth trip up to the stage at the Laughing Skull Lounge. Overall, I was pleased with my performance. I thought my stage presence was the best yet - I do seem to be gaining confidence with each time up, which is encouraging for the future. I'm by no means "there" yet, but hopefully as I continue to perform (and repeat material, something I haven't really done yet) I will keep getting better.
It's a funny thing, confidence. Some people have it on stage but have terrible material. This guy who performed Wednesday night was loud, aggressive, arrogant, and didn't say a single funny thing for five minutes. But he believed in himself, and even though no one was laughing, he never gave in throughout his entire set. In a strange way, I feel like I learned more from him than any other comic that performed. I want to be that guy but with better jokes (or any jokes, I guess).
Anyway, the big disappointment from my performance was my continuing inability to accurately assess how long my routine is taking.
From what I can gather, the worst thing a comic can do is go over his allotted time. Especially in an open mic setting when tons of people are going to perform, the last thing you want to do is overstay your welcome and piss off not only your fellow comics but also the show host and/or club manager.
As someone who wants to build a good rapport with the guy who runs this thing (there are very few open mics in Atlanta, and certainly none as convenient as the one at the Laughing Skull, which is just minutes away from my house), I am terrified of committing this faux pas.
The way it normally works is, the host will flash you a sign when you are getting close to your limit, and then it's up to you to wrap it up in a timely fashion.
I think I'm overcompensating.
Wednesday night my set ran only 4:10, well shy of the five minutes each comic is allotted. I didn't realize that at the time - all I remember is seeing the signal, and upon getting a good laugh 10 seconds or so later, deciding spontaneously to pull a George Costanza and go out on a high note.
Was it necessary? Probably not. And for the third straight show, I cut myself off well short of the end of my material. I suppose that's not the end of the world, but at this stage of my journey I am in search of information more than anything. I am doing new material each time out and I'd like to see how a crowd reacts to as much of it as I can before I start trying to decide on my best material to use.
I'm sure I'll get the signal again if I really start to go over; meanwhile my premature evacuation of the stage is only hurting myself.
As far as my material goes, I've gotten different reviews from different people. Some thought it was my best stuff to date, while others thought my previous sets had been better.
From my perspective, I was relatively happy with the crowd reaction while I was on stage, but my mood soured a bit as the night wore on and several other comics touched on similar topics.
I often wonder how likely it is that my material is original. Is it possible to come up with something in this day and age that hasn't been covered yet without being a genius like Patton Oswalt or Sarah Silverman? As badly as I don't want to overstay my welcome on stage, I even worse (even more badly?) want to avoid stealing someone else's material, accidently or otherwise.
The laughs were good, but overall I left the night feeling like I need to work on coming up with more original material than what I've been writing of late. Or maybe the trick is just to understand that there are so many comics out there you are bound to overlap with someone else's take eventually.
I wonder if there is a right answer?
It's a funny thing, confidence. Some people have it on stage but have terrible material. This guy who performed Wednesday night was loud, aggressive, arrogant, and didn't say a single funny thing for five minutes. But he believed in himself, and even though no one was laughing, he never gave in throughout his entire set. In a strange way, I feel like I learned more from him than any other comic that performed. I want to be that guy but with better jokes (or any jokes, I guess).
Anyway, the big disappointment from my performance was my continuing inability to accurately assess how long my routine is taking.
From what I can gather, the worst thing a comic can do is go over his allotted time. Especially in an open mic setting when tons of people are going to perform, the last thing you want to do is overstay your welcome and piss off not only your fellow comics but also the show host and/or club manager.
As someone who wants to build a good rapport with the guy who runs this thing (there are very few open mics in Atlanta, and certainly none as convenient as the one at the Laughing Skull, which is just minutes away from my house), I am terrified of committing this faux pas.
The way it normally works is, the host will flash you a sign when you are getting close to your limit, and then it's up to you to wrap it up in a timely fashion.
I think I'm overcompensating.
Was it necessary? Probably not. And for the third straight show, I cut myself off well short of the end of my material. I suppose that's not the end of the world, but at this stage of my journey I am in search of information more than anything. I am doing new material each time out and I'd like to see how a crowd reacts to as much of it as I can before I start trying to decide on my best material to use.
I'm sure I'll get the signal again if I really start to go over; meanwhile my premature evacuation of the stage is only hurting myself.
As far as my material goes, I've gotten different reviews from different people. Some thought it was my best stuff to date, while others thought my previous sets had been better.
From my perspective, I was relatively happy with the crowd reaction while I was on stage, but my mood soured a bit as the night wore on and several other comics touched on similar topics.
I often wonder how likely it is that my material is original. Is it possible to come up with something in this day and age that hasn't been covered yet without being a genius like Patton Oswalt or Sarah Silverman? As badly as I don't want to overstay my welcome on stage, I even worse (even more badly?) want to avoid stealing someone else's material, accidently or otherwise.
The laughs were good, but overall I left the night feeling like I need to work on coming up with more original material than what I've been writing of late. Or maybe the trick is just to understand that there are so many comics out there you are bound to overlap with someone else's take eventually.
I wonder if there is a right answer?
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Allow Myself To Introduce Myself...Again
So as per usual, I never managed to keep up with this blog when I started it, much like every other blog I've ever been associated with. I truly do wonder what it would take for me to actually keep up a blog, like what would actually entice me to do it. Would a million dollars work? Would I update a blog for a million dollars? Or what about a threesome? The promise of a threesome seems like something that would motivate just about any man. I'd actually love to know what happens next in that scenario.
In fact, if anyone who ever reads this has been promised a threesome as motivation for doing something and accomplished that goal, I'd like to know how that turned out. Was it worth it? Could nothing ever motivate you again afterwards? Or would another threesome still be a gratifying reward and not fall victim to the Law of Diminishing Returns?
Anyway, I don't have any carrot at the end of a stick for myself for this blog, so I have no idea if I'll really update it often, semi-often, rarely, or never again. But I hope sincerely that I do - I have a lot of nights where I sit up with nothing to do and all the time in the world to think, and sometimes I think things that I find amusing, but am always too lazy to write them down.
As a spectator of my life, I would love to see what that would look like - if only the hypothetical me could overtake the actual me and make that happen.
So should you read this blog from now on? I guess that's up to me. The past would say no, this is probably the last post of any significant length, or maybe I'll get a few more in before I fade into oblivion, but it would be really cool if I kept up with this and actually put my thoughts down on paper. Maybe it will help me write new material for my hypothetically-burgeoning comedy career, or maybe it will just be like a little online diary of my thoughts to someday show my kids (to help explain to them why they're now in therapy). Or, let's be honest, maybe this is a one-time deal.
So, with that spirit in mind, here is what I was thinking about tonight...
We may have a lot of issues in this country, but it's days like today that make me realize how truly lucky we are to live in the United States. Like way more lucky than we realize.
Today's example - in the midst of all the rioting and stuff going on in Iran, where people are rioting for their freedom and simple human rights, in the United States there are videos from Knoxville, Tennessee, where students are hanging Lane Kiffin in effigy for leaving after one season as head football coach to take the same position at USC. People were yelling, cursing, the police were even called.
That's right - that's what we're fighting mad about here in the US - who is going to coach the 5th or 6th best football team in the Southeastern Conference? Kiffin, you BASTARD!
Can you imagine what a person living in Darfur would give to devote some time to complain about a coaching scandal?
Darfurian: "The nerve of Kiffin! What about his promise to return the Tennessee program to its former glory? I'd love to hold a picket sign up about that, but the local warlord cut off my arms at the elbows."
I've seen a lot of people outraged over Kiffin's behavior today (and for the record, this has disaster for Pete Carroll and Kiffin written all over it), but I feel blessed to live in a society that can afford to waste its time worrying about such matters.
And I can probably understand a little bit better why a lot of the world hates us too.
By the way, this post is partially inspired by Conan O'Brien, who may be leaving the airwaves it seems, or at least NBC. I realized that I am 31, and Conan was 30 when he first got the gig hosting Late Night. I don't mean for this to be that stereotypical, I've accomplished nothing and and look how old I'm getting sort of thing, but at the same time, damn - that's impressive. If he can do that, the least I can do is write this post.
Tomorrow night will mark my fourth time up on stage. Once again, I will be debuting all new material, save for one joke I'm bringing back from my second set. I am proud of myself for continuing to try to expand my repertoire, but I guess at some point I should try to start honing some stuff and putting together a consistent set. How I do tomorrow night with the new stuff could go a long way in helping me make that decision, I suppose.
Tomorrow night will mark my fourth time up on stage. Once again, I will be debuting all new material, save for one joke I'm bringing back from my second set. I am proud of myself for continuing to try to expand my repertoire, but I guess at some point I should try to start honing some stuff and putting together a consistent set. How I do tomorrow night with the new stuff could go a long way in helping me make that decision, I suppose.
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