My priorities might be a tad off right now

Dreams are weird, I think we can all agree on that. What they mean, obviously, is up to interpretation. So, interpret this.

Last night, I dreamt that as a result of contact with what must have been some sort of time machine, I ended up ten years in the future.

Time travel! Awesome! So many possibilities, so much I could do.

In addition to having the ability to travel in time, I also had some sort of telephone that allowed me to still talk to people in present day (jealous?).

UN-BE-LIEVABLE. I could change the world, tell everyone how things were going to end up so people could maybe prevent disasters, who knows?

And what, in this dream state, did I do? I called my friend Joey in present day...to find out how my fantasy team was doing. And that was the only thing I realized in my dream, that somehow, being 10 years in the future, was going to be a HUGE advantage, fantasy wise.

I think I may have a problem.

Me in a nutshell

Take a look at the photo above. I realized tonight, this picture perfectly encapsulates me as a person. 

This picture was taken in Riomaggiore, Italy, the last and smallest of the five fishing towns that make up the Cinque Terra, a tourist destination on the Italian Riviera.

Take a look at this picture, and tell me what one thing is not like the other?

Three adults dressed relatively nicely - dressed like adults - having dinner with one guy dressed to watch Season 1 of Mad Men on DVD.

Now, there are a lot of reasons that explain why I am wearing a t-shirt in this picture. 

Like:

• We had just hiked seven hours from one end of Cinque Terra to the other.
• Our hotel was like a 1,000 foot climb above the town, and we'd have to walk up a steep hill to get back at the end of the night.
• Because we were packing for a week-long trip, we tried to pack as lightly as we could, which meant I didn't bring much "nice" clothing.
• I did have a polo shirt, but I wanted that to be clean(ish) for our anniversary dinner in Paris.
• Because I sweat at the drop of a hat, I worried that I'd sweat through the polo on the way home from dinner.
• Since it was late, and we were physically exhausted from hiking, I assumed everyone would be in their most comfortable clothes.
• It's cool at night in this part of Italy, and my most comfortable shirt is my long-sleeved Hawks tee-shirt. Perfect.

All of the above is true. But it's not why this picture so perfectly encapsulates me (though it does factor in). 

The first time I noticed that everyone else was dressed well and I looked like a total choad was when I posted our pictures to Facebook. I never once thought about it at the time. Instead I saw the picture and was like, jeez, who is this asshole?

Look at the picture again. Look at the smile on my face - it is the smile of a man who is completely unaware that people might think he looks funny. I might as well have a mullet. 

It never occurred to me to wear anything different. I was blissfully unaware.

And that's me in a nutshell, as I think my family and friends will attest at times. I am quite blissfully unaware.

Freedom of Speech!

Why does my text message service think there is no such thing as curse words? I tried to write the word shit in a text message, and my blackberry is like what? What word? Shut? Spit?

Don't act like you don't know shit blackberry! You know damn well what I wanted to write, and it wasn't "Running a little late, had to take a shin."

Sometimes that happens - you're in a hurry and you don't make sure all the words are spelled right, and you accidentally accept a word change that you didn't mean. You end up sending text messages that say things like, "What's up, motherland?"

Motherland is an actual suggestion on my blackberry when I type in motherfucker. Who is typing the word motherland in a text message, Hitler? 

"All aryans must return to the motherland! - also can you pick up some more tp, we're out"

It's incredible when you think about it how society's morals affect you in different ways. Society says it's not polite to call someone a cocksucker or a cunt, so your blackberry pretends those words don't exist. Actually cock sucker seems to be ok. If you write it as one word, cocksucker, it just suggests you spell it as two words. So I guess you can say cock sucker, just make sure you spell it right. 

I just don't want my blackberry to censor me, or judge me for what I text. And I want the word fuck to be acceptable in the middle of any word, any syllable. Fuck gets a free pass in my text messages. Wherever it is, it be-fucking-longs. It be-long-fucks.

By the way, want to know the suggestions my Blackberry gives me when I try to type in the word cunt? Count, punt, and Sarah Palin.